I ran into a good friend, T., not long ago.

I saw her profile walking by outside the glass building and had the feeling intense hope and anticipation that come with such meetings- “Is that her, yes, it’s her! Yes, she’s coming this way!” I’ve known her for over 15 years and was glad to see her. We haven’t made enough time to see each other of late.

I told her of another old friend I had met up with and how the visit hadn’t gone as well as I had hoped. It had been fine but not great, only just describable as nice, in fact.

“That’s the difference between catching up and sharing,” T. said to me, words that have stuck with me for the last couple of days. While it’s great to “catch up”, it can only brings the conversation so far. Open ended questions about the past get tiresome. It makes me a little sad.

My evening with that other old friend made me self-conscious that I was talking too much about myself, or perhaps talking too much period. I don’t think so, though. She hadn’t been in a hurry to leave.

I have come to realise that my life has become quite reclusive. I’m certainly happy and have a few independent projects that keep me going, but they’re things that are private (relating to my spirituality) or that I don’t imagine would be especially interesting to others. I do enjoy immersing myself in my projects. They’re really just not much for conversation, as they sometimes can’t be related to.

Perhaps her silences were the disturbed recognition of her own unthrilling situation?

 She kept mentioning things like the gym, her weight, how ice cream is fattening… She’s a girl with not much to be worried about, but it was her most re-visited topic of discussion. I wonder why, imagining that the girls she talks to at work are all on about it, so she’s unintentionally becoming like them and losing a bit of her own identity. I can relate to that.

Perhaps my feelings of shock are rooted  in that we no longer have good chemistry? The years do change us. It leaves me feeling sad,  grieving relationships that could have been.